he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Randomize
