I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I don't deserve a penis
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
