last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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