During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
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