I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
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I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
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Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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