I'm eating all of the evidence.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
