i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
