JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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