Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
