she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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