i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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