if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
