I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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