I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
