carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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