The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
