3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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