My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
