so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
