Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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