i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
