Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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