the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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