im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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