just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
