theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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