I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
