i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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