fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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