Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize