dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
