So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
soo... how was my night?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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