Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
