The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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