yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize