bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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