I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
she peed on how many people?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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