with your own penis?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
