What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
