hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
