And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Well I just put wine in my tea
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
