So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
