i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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