where does the pee come out of this thing
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
