Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
