I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
