I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
