Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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