im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Randomize
