and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
