I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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