Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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