I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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