dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
