There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
