I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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