Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
