Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
