It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
