I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
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