I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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