You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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