Are we in a gay sports bar?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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