Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
