I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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