Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
