thus making me awesome and them whores
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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